Human Beings Are Responsible For Rapes

Human Beings Are Responsible For Rapes

Partial Transcript of DicVijay's appearance on 'We the Tweeple'

Reporter: Let's move on to another burning issue of rapes. We the Tweeple seek your ingenious opinion on this sensitive topic.

DV: Let me begin by saying, 'Rape is a state of mind...

Reporter(vehement interruption): What do you mean Sir, how can you justify a crass statement like that?

DV: Madam, madam, hold on! You are such a weathered seasoned reporter who has survived war zones and radiations, just keep your cool and let me complete. Politically inclined are those who say girls alone are responsible for rapes. I say,  'Human Beings are responsible for rapes' and you should quote me on this. Rape is a collective responsibility and it has been specialization of my PhD thesis on collective responsibility sponsored by PMO.

(The reporter is about to react again but is cut short just in time by DV's hand signal to calm down)

Its in the human body, we all are hard-boned for it. All other animals need to use all four limbs to balance themselves, but human beings need only two, or as our party for common man says, public vehicle #11. That frees the highly capable hands to follow the directions of highly corrupted evolved High Command, the brain. It is these hands that  made the planes and the ships. It is these hands that made Salsa and Ballet possible. It is this body structure that made the most gravity friendly yoga position - lying down, possible. So it was just a matter of time before this flaw in human body structure was put to a coercive use, which is hyped by media as rape.

Reporter: You beat the media in logic! Still, 'We the Tweeple' think that a clause should be added to our juvenile justice laws which states that  if a juvenile commits a crime purely adult in nature, he should be tried as an adult only. Won't you agree with this, at least?

DV: Lady, on the contrary I would say that the recent verdict must serve as a shining example to restore public faith in the Indian Judicial System; unaffected by the biggest ever media trial, the judiciary went by the rulebook, even though it was almost gnawed away by poly-tickal rodents. But in my doctored opinion, we should not be talking about absolute crime and justice in the context of rape. It is a natural human behavior like farting, which can not be termed criminal unless committed publicly.

Reporter: So according to you, Besaram Paapu is not guilty and should be immediately released?

DV: No, he should be hanged for pointing a finger towards our almighty Shooniya,who which is nothing, yet everything. 

Reporter: On a related topic, it is rumored that your name was changed from DigVinay to DicVijay while you were holidaying in New Zealand.

DV: It's not a rumor, it's a fact that my Uncle arranged for my name change to get my d*** ass out of a human behavioral mess, anyways the current name suits my image better.

Reporter: You

DV: I am sure you are unable to follow the theory formulated from the fathoms from my nano brain and before you start arguing over the nano reference and forget the topic of this interview, let me clarify, it means Tata Nano sized brain. So, to put you at ease with my theory, let me take you through a live demo...

(The camera gets hastily switched off )

Note: This content of this piece is below my standards of dignity in thoughts and writing, but can't help my anguish on the state of things around me this time :-(

Bhare Chalo, Bhare Chalo

Sneak Peek: A entry from the diary of an infamous member of the 

UP poly-tickal species.

Bhare chalo, bhare chalo 

(Baar baar haan, kardo waar haan

Apni jeet ho, uski haar haan) - 2

Koi humse chheen na paave 

Bhare chalo, bhare chalo 

Mit jaave jo rukwaave, bhare chalo 

Bhale roz nilamban jaave
Bhare chalo, bhare chalo 

Koi durga-m rodh na ban pawe, bhare chalo 

Toot gayi jo ungli utthi 

Reti mili to bhar gayi mutthi 

Gaddi ladti hi jaawe
Bhare chalo, bhare chalo

Koi humko kya hudkaave, bhare chalo 

Koi humse jeet na paave 

Bhare chalo, bhare chalo
Cut jaave jo takraave, Bhare chalo 

(Baar baar haan, kardo waar haan
Apni jeet ho, uski haar haan) - 2 

भरे चलो, भरे चलो    

(बार बार हाँ, करदो वार हाँ,

अपनी जीत हो, उसकी हार हाँ) - 2 

कोई हमसे छीन न पावे,

भरे चलो, भरे चलो,

मिट जावे जो रुकवावे, भरे चलो, 

भले रोज़ निलंबन जावे,  

भरे चलो, भरे चलो,
कोई दुर्ग-म रोध न बन पावे, भरे चलो, 

टूट गयी जो ऊँगली उट्ठी,
रेती मिली तो भर गयी मुट्ठी,
गड्डी लदति ही जावे,
भरे चलो, भरे चलो, 

कोई हमको क्या हड्कावे, भरे चलो,
कोई हमसे जीत न पावे
भरे चलो, भरे चलो,
कट जावे जो टकरावे, भरे चलो,

(बार बार हाँ, करदो वार हाँ,

अपनी जीत हो, उसकी हार हाँ) - 2  

Ab Tumhare Hawale Gaban Sathiyon

Sneak Peek: An unusually eventful day's entry in the diary of a
patriotic (towards power), poetic (plagiarist), 
leader (scamster) devoted 2 technoloG

Ab Tumhare Hawale Gaban Sathiyon

Kar chale hum fida KHAAN-O-DHANN sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale GABAN sathiyon,
Kar chale hum fida khaan-o-dhann sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon.

Inquiry badhti gayi, raid padti gayi,
Phir bhi public ko kuch bhi na dikhne diya,
Kat gaye sir humare to kuch gham nahi,
Sir Madam ka humne na jhukne diya,
Marte marte raha kaak pan sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon,

Kar chale hum fida khaan-o-dhann sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon.

Scam karne ke mausam bahut hain magar,
Pakde jaane ki rut roz aati nahin,
Nayay aur rule dono ko ruswa kare,
Woh adaalat jo humko bachati nahi,
Aaj jailen bani hain dulhan saythiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon,

Kar chale hum fida khaan-o-dhann sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon.

Raah her-feriyon ki na viraan ho,
Tum karte hi jaane naye ghotale,
Nayi kursi ke wasl iske baad ho,
Bediyon mei bandhe hai insaan bhale,
Hanste hanste gawaara daman sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon,

Kar chale hum fida khaan-o-dhann sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon.

Gayab karte chalo filen tum sabhi,
Asliyat jaan paye na shaitaan koi,
Tod do haath gar haath uthne lage,
Choone paye na RITA ka daman koi,
Dost bhi tum, tumhi dushmann sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon,

Munsif bhi tum, tumhi mujrim saathiyon,
Khinch lo sabke munh se jabaan saathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon,

Kar chale hum fida khaan-o-dhann sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon. 

Toote Taare

टूटे तारे

बच्चे मन के  सच्चे सारे जग की आँख के तारे,
ये वो नन्हे फूल हैं, जो भगवान् को लगते प्यारे...

छोटे बच्चे और बच्चियां,
नन्हे फूल, नन्ही कलियाँ,
उड़ते जुगनू औ तितलियाँ,
मारे ख़ुशी से किलकारियां।

शरारत भरे इनके नज़ारे,
नटखट नादाँ इनके  इशारे,
मासूमी के पुतले सारे,
धरती पर फिरते सितारे।

आये बाग़ में दुष्ट शिकारी,
ज़ुल्मी थे जो बड़े ही भारी,
कलियाँ तोड़ी ढेर सारी,
फूल खा गए अत्याचारी।

तितली हुयीं घायल,
जुगनू हुए पागल,
तारक हुए ओझल,
धरा रक्तिम धूमल।

उजड गया चमन,
धुंधला गया गगन, 
लुट गया बचपन,
मिट गया बचपन।

ये वो नन्हे फूल थे, जो भगवान् को हो गए प्यारे,
ये वो  जगमग जुगनू थे, जो बुझ गए जैसे टूटे तारे।  

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