Bhare Chalo, Bhare Chalo

Sneak Peek: A entry from the diary of an infamous member of the 

UP poly-tickal species.

Bhare chalo, bhare chalo 

(Baar baar haan, kardo waar haan

Apni jeet ho, uski haar haan) - 2

Koi humse chheen na paave 

Bhare chalo, bhare chalo 

Mit jaave jo rukwaave, bhare chalo 

Bhale roz nilamban jaave
Bhare chalo, bhare chalo 

Koi durga-m rodh na ban pawe, bhare chalo 

Toot gayi jo ungli utthi 

Reti mili to bhar gayi mutthi 

Gaddi ladti hi jaawe
Bhare chalo, bhare chalo

Koi humko kya hudkaave, bhare chalo 

Koi humse jeet na paave 

Bhare chalo, bhare chalo
Cut jaave jo takraave, Bhare chalo 

(Baar baar haan, kardo waar haan
Apni jeet ho, uski haar haan) - 2 

भरे चलो, भरे चलो    

(बार बार हाँ, करदो वार हाँ,

अपनी जीत हो, उसकी हार हाँ) - 2 

कोई हमसे छीन न पावे,

भरे चलो, भरे चलो,

मिट जावे जो रुकवावे, भरे चलो, 

भले रोज़ निलंबन जावे,  

भरे चलो, भरे चलो,
कोई दुर्ग-म रोध न बन पावे, भरे चलो, 

टूट गयी जो ऊँगली उट्ठी,
रेती मिली तो भर गयी मुट्ठी,
गड्डी लदति ही जावे,
भरे चलो, भरे चलो, 

कोई हमको क्या हड्कावे, भरे चलो,
कोई हमसे जीत न पावे
भरे चलो, भरे चलो,
कट जावे जो टकरावे, भरे चलो,

(बार बार हाँ, करदो वार हाँ,

अपनी जीत हो, उसकी हार हाँ) - 2  

Ab Tumhare Hawale Gaban Sathiyon

Sneak Peek: An unusually eventful day's entry in the diary of a
patriotic (towards power), poetic (plagiarist), 
leader (scamster) devoted 2 technoloG

Ab Tumhare Hawale Gaban Sathiyon

Kar chale hum fida KHAAN-O-DHANN sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale GABAN sathiyon,
Kar chale hum fida khaan-o-dhann sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon.

Inquiry badhti gayi, raid padti gayi,
Phir bhi public ko kuch bhi na dikhne diya,
Kat gaye sir humare to kuch gham nahi,
Sir Madam ka humne na jhukne diya,
Marte marte raha kaak pan sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon,

Kar chale hum fida khaan-o-dhann sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon.

Scam karne ke mausam bahut hain magar,
Pakde jaane ki rut roz aati nahin,
Nayay aur rule dono ko ruswa kare,
Woh adaalat jo humko bachati nahi,
Aaj jailen bani hain dulhan saythiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon,

Kar chale hum fida khaan-o-dhann sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon.

Raah her-feriyon ki na viraan ho,
Tum karte hi jaane naye ghotale,
Nayi kursi ke wasl iske baad ho,
Bediyon mei bandhe hai insaan bhale,
Hanste hanste gawaara daman sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon,

Kar chale hum fida khaan-o-dhann sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon.

Gayab karte chalo filen tum sabhi,
Asliyat jaan paye na shaitaan koi,
Tod do haath gar haath uthne lage,
Choone paye na RITA ka daman koi,
Dost bhi tum, tumhi dushmann sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon,

Munsif bhi tum, tumhi mujrim saathiyon,
Khinch lo sabke munh se jabaan saathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon,

Kar chale hum fida khaan-o-dhann sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon,
Ab tumhare hawale gaban sathiyon. 

Talaash - My Version of the Story

Talaash - My Version of the Story

This post has been removed by me.

 

After Delhi Tragedy, I have found a new respect for this movie, especially for the line 'ek ladki ke gayab ho jane se kise fark padta hai, waise bhi, jo hai hi nahin, wo gayab kaise ho sakta hai'.

Afterall, girls are considered non-existent in our society.

I am waiting for 'Nirbhaya' to return as Kareena does in this movie.

Q for Queues, Unusual Queue

Q for ...

Photo taken from Wikipedia and slightly altered.
The licensing terms remains same as for the original image on Wikipedia.

Queues, Unusual Queues

It takes people longer to shop,

Bill counter is the one last stop,

How can a queue form over there,

As customer why wait to pay,

Bet the system is wrong there.

We queue up to cast our vote,

To make the leader of a sugarcoat,

Why can't we just sit back at home,

And send the vote on mobile phone,

It's 'who cares for public' syndrome.

O for Optical Illusion

O for ...

Image Source Wikipedia

Optical Illusion

On bended knee I proposed to her,
She smiled, then burst into laughter,
The jaundiced eye of my tired brain,
Took that for an approval in vain.

Someone cleared my optical illusion,
That laugh meant mockery, not affusion
Of a new relationship as I had seen it.

To avoid illusions, optical, audio, I admit,
Going fancy, proposing with a ring,
As they do in the films, is the best thing.

M for Music, Melody, Magic

M for ...

Music, Melody, Magic

Sitting in a lazy corner, wishing to chat with special someone

Rings the doorbell or the phone, the caller is that same person,

The bell now sounds like music, soothing music for the soul kind,

Astonished you exclaim, 'Telepathy works, you read my mind!'

Well that's music, that's magic, music in eyes, magic in voice.

Discussing a controversy, raking brains for a catchy phrase,

To best express a golden opinion, to outwit others in the chase,

Two friends end up saying same things at the same time to strike

Chords of melody and merrily proclaim, 'Great minds think alike!'

Well that's melody, that's magic, melody in thoughts, magic in voice. 

G for Goof Up

G for

Goof Up

I was chatting happily with my friend,

Up popped a ping from the bully boss,

To bring my conversation, to a sad end,

At a juicy juncture and made me cross.

I typed just an apt message for my friend,

'Its death calling', read my sentence,

Without wasting any precious time, hit send,

And waited for a winking smiley in response.

Came back a roar typed in upper case,

'What do you mean, you better shut up', 

I almost died fumbling for a saving grace,

On learning what sent the bully in the goof up.

F for Fun with Friends

F for

Fun with Friends

Storing phone contacts by their

Nicknames they hate the most

And giggle every time they call

Only to be told to get lost,

Is fun, is fun, is fun with friends.

Making their most embarrassing

Secrets public and laugh out loud

As their embarrassment gets

Wrapped in an angry shroud,

Is fun, is fun, is fun with friends.

Playing a nasty trick on a stranger

Only to blame your buddies for it

And enjoy watching from a distance

Them being reprimanded for it,

Is fun, is fun, is fun with friends.

And yet when they don't dump you,

They are bunch of real friends :)

Gone Crazy

Gone Crazy

How do you know you are no longer alright?

When

To take a turn, 'right click' is your instruction to driver

To simmer a flame, all you say is 'minimize burner'

You hang up a call with words 'Closing the session'

See a crying baby and blurt out, 'oh, it's hanged again'

Instruct the tailor to 'edit size' of a brand new dress

Say 'spam' and friends know that means your boss

Party invites are just some 'freeware download' rights

And rightly curse morning alarm as 'boot sector virus'

Then

You know for sure you are no longer alright. :-)

Chaand Ka Jawaab

दिनकर जी के दिनों में तो नन्हा चाँद माँ की परेशानी समझ झिंगोला सिलाये बिना रह गया था। पर आज का नन्हा चाँद माँ से कह रहा है...

चाँद का ज़वाब

लाड़-प्यार से पला हूँ  तुम्हारे,

माँ मुझको अब न बहला रे;
चिढ़ाएं न मुझको नन्हें तारे,
मेरे कर दे पूरे नखरे न्यारे!

दिला दे मुझको पंद्रह-सोलाह,
हर साइज़ का एक झिंगोला;
आइस-क्रीम पर मन है डोला,
खिलौनों से भर दे मेरा झोला!

भर दे मेरे मोबाइल का बिल,
कॉल मिला लूं जब चाहे दिल;
औ दिला दे इक बाई-साइकिल,
फिर न बोलूं सफ़र है मुश्किल!

आँखों में नींदें लिए

It can't get harder to get up for office on a winter morn with melodious songs playing in the background. This is how Shaan's lines get garbled in the haziness of sleepiness!

आँखों में नींदें लिए

आँखों में नींदें लिए, 
बिस्तर से उठ तो दिए,
जाने ठंडी में दुबके अब जायेंगे कहाँ|

Office से calls आयें,
मन में बहाने लायें,
मन में ही रह जाये बहानों का जहाँ,
Boss नया है, अनजाना है teammate,
पहुंचेंगे शायद फिर हम late!

Boring office, hectic project,

जाएँ वहां, फिर क्यों झटपट! 

Client के नज़ारे देखे, 

Boss के इशारे देखे,

मन में फिर भी movie का ख्वाब है जवाँ|

कितने तो weekend आये,
Office में spend कराये,
आँखों में झलके holiday की लालसा,
Picnic के plan से झूमे, मन करे salsa,
Project का जाने होगा क्या!

Boring office, hectic project,
जाएँ वहां, फिर क्यों झटपट!

मैं पागल तो नहीं

Sibal, the only member of 'species with two Y chromosomes' seems to give 'Mouth-Loose' Diggi a serious competition for the award of the 'Biggest fool in the history of India' and he even hums these lines to support his claim...

All That You Deserve Is Null

Soup boys seem to follow Majrooh Sultanpuri's adage 'May you burn in hell Anamika' rather than Sahir Ludhianwi's 'Move on from a beautiful juncture'.

All That You Deserve Is Null

Why do soup boys sing why this kolaveri di,

When you forced the fairy to say no already?

By the way you treat a girl,

All that you deserve is null.

If you stalk her for a week or two,

Still proposal doesn’t go through,

You thunder, ‘Listen, I love you’

And show her all your colors true.

If you think parents won’t agree,

Yet want status of some degree,

And flaunt her as a piece of filigree,

You invite wrath on your pedigree.

If you know that she is really pampered and lazy,

You say that post marriage your life looks hazy,

As you the husband will have to cook like crazy,

Then all you want is a chef to make your life easy.

If you ask her indirect questions,

She isn’t blind to your intentions,

As you continue with pretensions,

You betray trait’s ugly dimensions.

If you think you really like her,

Yet fear of denial is a bit of bother,

What your pals gonna say for ever,

Ego is what you love, not really her.

Why do soup boys sing why this kolaveri di,

When you forced the fairy to say no already?

By the way you treat a girl,

All that you deserve is null.

I Am A Regular Kid

Claim: We kids with our regular activities are as beneficial for humanity as are bees and their nectar stealing for flowers.

I Am A Regular Kid

I am a regular kid and I know it.

Neighbors, oh they won’t show it!

You must have seen its jumbo nails,

Blood stained green zillions of nails,

That real ghost lives in Gulmohar.

I climbed up to befriend the specter,

There was one more, albeit slender,

Stuck on a wire, to my wonder,

As I chanced to trespass the clown,

It pushed me off and I fell down.

Floating in an aerial ambiance,

With ample frolic as I jived,

Wow, it was the best experience,

Sorrow, it was so short lived.

As my head got readily rooted,

In soil heap just below the tree,

I looked like one too, undisputed.

Savoring rare mutation spree,

With branching legs and a torso trunk,

Adorned with toes as if leaves shrunk,

Offshoots of arms and sepals of nails.

Unmindful of my protests and wails,

I was pulled out of the yummy soil,

And drenched with garden hose coil,

To wash away my tasty memories;

And prepare for detested drudgeries,

As lying still to let the pale devil peep,

And scream clots when can’t see deep;

Doc pointed at a worryingly big blot,

Which looks cute and I adore a lot.

See, that’s my gifted brand new brain,

Which gives me spunk and kills refrain.

All grannies are sad and lonely at noon,

Wishing visits from kids as far as moon,

As little tears drip from their eyes,

New brain fails to bear those cries.

I ring their low-rise doorbells,

And deliver generous sequels,

But grannies are still not happy,

They get snappy, call me crappy!

Next I deflate bicycle tires,

All I get in return is ires.

How to tell I am charity trainer,

And pumping is a cellulite slainer!

Soon their junk bodies start to tone,

But my services remain unknown!

They preach bitching is so bad,

Yet gossip makes them go mad,

Try to confirm those back bytes,

All you hear is 'this is heights'!

As trash slips out of houses onto the streets,

I send that back with monkeys and tweets.

They, for my act and words of wisdom,

Have named me king of monster kingdom!

Best is to splash in mini mud pools,

Created fresh by cleaning schools,

And paint sparkling cars all over,

In shades of earth over and over.

Now cleaners drain away the water,

And the pools dry much much faster,

Now roads have started to last longer,

Yet no gain to my image of evil monger!

I am a regular kid and I know it.

Neighbors, oh they won’t show it!

Raju Ke Haalaat, Gajodhar Ke Saath

(लोकप्रिय कार्यक्रम 'राजू के हालात, गजोधर के साथ' प्रारंभ...

अँधेरे में गजोधर शब्द गूँज रहा है)

गजोधर (सोचत-सोचत): ई कौन माई का लाल जो आधी रात हमार नामवा जपे! 

आवाज़ (चौंककर): अरे गजोधर, तुम्ही चले आये यहाँ!

गजोधर (खुसी-खुसी): अरे राजू भैया आप! कौनो नींद नाहीं आवत गाम में का? अब तो आप सितार-होटलवा वाले जो हो गए!

राजू भैया (परेशान): सो तो है गजोधर पर और भी बड़ी मुसीबत हमार गले पड़ गयली है| कल साम में हमार सो है झुमरीतलैय्या में, पर कौनो नवी चुटकियाँ सूझे ही न!

गजोधर (उत्तेजित): ये कौनो मुसीबत नाहीं भैया! आप पुरानी कहानियां की नवी खिचड़ी पका लेना, ई करन वास्ते तो माहिर हैं आप!

राजू भैया (उदास): न गजोधर न, अब ई नाहीं चलत! इह ससुरे इन्टरनेट ने सब गड़बड़ कर डाला; हर सो का विडियो उसपे टांग देवत हैं और हम जब भी कोई पिछली कहानी दुहराते हैं न, तो लोग लिख देवत हैं की ये तो उस फलाना सो में भी कहे थे| सो के पोड्युसर ये सब पढ़-पढ़ के हमार फीस्वा काट लेवत हैं| 

अब तुम ही बताओ, बाढ़ में सभी भैंसियाँ बही गयी इस साल, नाहीं तो उनको निहार ही कुछ बूझ लेते; कोई नवे नेता  पैदा ही नाहीं होवत, ढेरों बुडबक बुढ़िया गए, गद्दी से फिसल गए, जेल्वा में भर गए; बालीउड में भी सूखा परकोप होवे, मेरी पाखी, पिंकी, डाली, बीना को तो कोई संपवा सुंघा दियो, कोई भी मसालेदार बात न कहें वो आजकल; बची-खुची समस्या, हल करन वास्ते, अन्ना छीन लिए; अब हम का करें? हमको तो दाल-भात की चिंता सुरु हो गयी है, सच कहे दिए हैं गजोधर तुमको!  

गजोधर (हैरान): आप बेकार टेनसनवा लेवत हो भैया! अभी ढेरों नेता बाकी होवे जिनके बारे आप कुछ कहत नाहीं; सबसे पुरानी पार्टीवा के सरगना लोगन को भी तो आप की फुलझड़ियों का हक होवे| का उनकी इतनी इज्जत करो की उनके बारे कबहूँ न बोलत हो?

राजू भैया (फुस्फुसावत): इज्जत नाहीं गजोधर, डर्र! हमहूँ बहूहूहूहूत डर्र लागत है| ओ का है ना, हम चुटकुले बनाने में बीजी रहत हैं, हमको फीस्वा का हिसाब करन वास्ते कौनो टाइम नाहीं मिलत| अब इनकम टैक्स का चक्कर तो तुम्ही जानत हो, कौनो जगन बाबू टाइप हमहूँ फंसा डाले सरकार, तो हम का करेंगे? तौबा तौबा!

गजोधर (गंभीर): अरे ई सम्मस्सा तो बड़ी भारी होवे पर हमहूँ मालूम है आप हल खोज लेवोगे| कहो तो आपका मूडवा तनिक बदल देवें|

राजू भैया (अविचलित): ठीक है|

गजोधर (सरमावत-सरमावत): हमहूँ आपको भैया कहिन से डरत हैं आजकल| जब से आपको देखे हैं साड़ी, चोली, सूट में, का बताएं, हमार दिमाग में भूचाल आया और हमार फ्यूज उड़ गया| हमहूँ कौन बिस्वास ही नाहीं होवत की वो अप्सरा आप...वो अप्सरा हमार दिल चीर ले गयी, हाय!

राजू भैया (गुस्सेल): ई का बक रहे हो गजोधर?

गजोधर (धीमे-धीमे): सच कह दिए हैं, हमहूँ तो 'सिल्पा सा फेगर, बेबो सी अदा' सब भूल गए हैं, बस 'पिंकी सा फेगर, पाखी सी अदा' ही याद आवत हैं आजकल| अब हमार मूंह और जिआदा न खुलाओ, हूँ! 

राजू भैया (परास्त): ...

गजोधर (चिढ़ात): का राजू भैया, हमहूँ कौनो मजाक करन का हक नाहीं का| ये बातिया रिकॉर्ड कर लिए हैं, कल सो में ये टेप चला लेना!

राजू भैया (हैरान): गजोधर, तुम हमार बतिया रिकार्ड करत हो?

गजोधर (मुस्करात): न भैया, वो साम से आप इक बार भी न हँसे, न हंसाये तो हमहूँ समझ गए थे आप परेसान होवत| वैसे भी आप सबहूँ के बारे बोल बोल उनको परसिद्ध कराये, तो कोई आपके बारे न बोले तो बुरा तो लगे है न, तो हमहूँ बोल दीये| 

(अगले कार्यक्रम हेतु विज्ञापन प्रारम्भ)

Sandal Speak

Sandal Speak

I was worried about my destiny,

But got packed in silk and satin

And dispatched in a limo shiny,

To be ushered in an aero cabin.

Welcomed by excited screams,

Landed in the courteous city;

To be led to a palace of dreams,

In a procession like a deity.

I was treated to a lavish gloss,

Prepared by a dozen champs

And sequined with golden floss,

To be exalted with lamps.

Adorned on high head of elite,

As Bharat did eons back;

To be strapped on sissy's feet, 

I was taken to her shack.

Stooping officers in public view,

Rubbed across their own hankies,

Till last invisible grime flew,

To felicitate F1 pros and rookies.

I was covered all over in dirt

And left outside the threshold,

To be kicked around and hurt,

Those days are gone and old.

At my smacks the state flinches,

My headlines making virtues,

By raising her glory three inches,

Are to be immortalized in statues.

Bhaag Neta Bhrasht!

Bhaag Neta Bhrasht

public mujhse boli,
tu galti hai meri,
tujhpe voting right,
guilty hai meri,
insaa ki shakal mein,
neta tu to nikla kaala kaag,

kaag, kaag, bhaag!

bhaag, bhaag, bhaag, bhaag,
bhaag, bhaag, bhaag, bhaag! 

Oh by Ghoos lag gayi, 

kya se kya bana, 

banaya jo mahal,
jhaanka to hawalat, 

piddi jaisa anna, 

pakda to nikla bangla baagh,

baagh, baagh, bhaag!

bhaag bhaag neta bhrasht neta bhrasht neta bhrasht,
bhaag bhaag neta bhrasht neta bhaag!

bhaag bhaag neta bhrasht neta bhrasht neta bhrasht,
janta aayi hai!!!!!!!!!

maine kisko loota,
kaise ghisa kiska joota,
kya pataa,
government won’t have a clue!

itna hi pata hai,
corruption chode to bhalaa hai,
peechhe to,
ek Lokpal phaade mooh,

ye janta aayi hai, 

sandesha laayi hai, 

janta aayi janta aayi janta aayi janta aayi,
bhaag bhaag neta bhrasht neta bhaag!

hum to hain lutere, 

ghotale kare bahutere,
sarkar..
jo khaye to chale,

kismat ki hai kadki,
ghoos niveden aur dhamki,

teeno hi,
aaj ki date na chale!

ramleela garden hai,
jahan anna maali hai,
public ka intellect, frustration mein
aaj gaya hai jaag,
jaag, jaag, bhaag!

bhaag bhaag neta bhrasht neta bhrasht neta bhrasht,
bhaag bhaag neta bhrasht neta bhaag!

bhaag bhaag neta bhrasht neta bhrasht neta bhrasht,
bhaag bhaag neta bhrasht neta bhaag!

hey, janta aayi janta aayi janta aayi janta aayi,
bhaag bhaag neta bhrasht neta bhaag,
janta aayi haiiiiiiiii!

public mujhse boli,
tu galti hai meri,
tujhpe voting right,
guilty hai meri,
insaan ki shakal mein,
neta tu to nikla kaala kaag,
kaag, kaag, bhaag!

bhaag bhaag neta bhrasht neta bhrasht neta bhrasht,
bhaag bhaag neta bhrasht neta bhaag!

Biwi No 1

What a Dream: Reading newspaper just before going to bed has unusual effects and last night was no different for me. I watched Biwi No 1 on the silverscreen of my dreams with a rather meaningful song.

Biwi No 1

Opposition है, court है, बढ़ता media pressure,

India भूल जाए सब, कुछ ऐसा जादू कर!

                                                             घबराने की क्या बात है, जब हाथ में है दफ्तर,

                                                             Caesar की बीवी होने का, चलाता जा चक्कर!

                                                             CGV में क्या है, दलदल,

                                                             मच्छर भी छाए हैं, हरपल

                                                             2G  की रिश्वत लूं, ले ले,

                                                             ओ मै तो यही चाहती हूँ,

Inflation का आलम, JPC आये है, 

हम दोनों को corruption की बदनामी खाए है, 

                                                             Radia तो इक खच्चर है, और Raja है अजगर!

                                                             Caesar की बीवी होने का, चलाता जा चक्कर!

                                                             तेरी कुर्सी मैं ले लूं, ले ले,

                                                             बाबा को दे दूं, दे दे,

                                                             वादा तो दे जा, दीया,

                                                             थर-थर कापें है जीया|

कलमूहे का इशारा, PM पे आ गया है,

अदालत का फरमान, Thomas भी चला गया है,

                                                            Impeach करा दूं judges को, तू दे दे बस लिखकर! 

                                                            Caesar की बीवी होने का, चलाता जा चक्कर!

Opposition है, court है, बढ़ता media pressure,

India भूल जाए सब, कुछ ऐसा जादू कर!             

                                                           घबराने की क्या बात है, जब हाथ में है दफ्तर,

                                                           Caesar की बीवी होने का, चलाता जा चक्कर!

  

Credits: The caricatures have been drawn by reputed artists and were available online. These have been merely displayed here and might be subject to copyright.

My Favourite Student

Manu stared at his wife of three weeks, 'Are you crazy?' Sejal refused to be cowed down, 'Come in the afternoon and see for yourself.'

Thus started the best chapter of English literature course of the bright student, whom I was trying to help with. It appeared to be a very simple conversation to me. I was spell bound by his interpretation of the above lines and could not stop laughing out very very loud. Poor chap, very much aware of the social developments of the time, he interpreted it much deeper than the best teacher of literature.

'Manu' was pronounced 'Mannu' as he believed this name was inspired by the daily heard nick-name of our Prime Minister. 'Wife of three weeks' was interpreted to mean that this couple was married for just three weeks and now fighting for divorce. 'Stared' was believed to have had something to do with a staircase. Both of these interpretations seemed inspired by the much savoured Rahul-Dimpy saga. The poor chap, now very high on emotions, explained to me, 'As they were fighting for divorce, Mannu pushed his wife whom he had been married for only three weeks, under a staircase out of the house.'

He went on to explain, 'Mannu shouted, are you greedy?' Now I was truly puzzled about the greedy part. He explained, 'Look, kids are crazy for chocolate, that means kids are greedy for chocolates! And greedy fits just right into this context of their fight'. I could only utter, 'Wonderful, please carry on.'

He read aloud followed by his interpretation, 'Sejal refused to be co-wed down. Even though Mannu was accusing her, Sejal refused to be married to him any more, co-wed, you see. She even threatened him that the repercussions of his pushing her under the staircase would be reverberating all over by the afternoon for every one to hear and see!'

I could not help him more on this chapter. I felt ashamed of my hollow interpretations. This kid truly thought out of the box, I mean the idiot box! Teaching would be best the profession on earth if half of your class is half as hilarious as him. I am eagerly looking forward to his interpretations in the next class.

Chirag Tale Andhera

Adjacent to the Laburnum is the most talked about house occupied by the most status family in the street. Everyone holds the posh doctor and scientist couple in great awe. I always imagine seeing a halo of sophistication and modernity emanating from their persona. Almost all of my madamjis regularly prod me for the latest happenings from this household. After all, we enjoy the coveted status of gossipmongers amongst these high-fi Saabs and Sahibaas. These people na, I tell you, they are always busy in their aping business! What is the new design she is wearing, what is the new gadget they are buying, what was the level of her kitty party, these are the standard topics of their sub-standard discussions, yes sub-standard even by my standards! Even small people like us discuss national problems like Karnataka floods and Kalahandi droughts, may be because majority of the affected folks there belong to our class.

Today morning, as I was about the start my routine work at the house, I notice the car entering the portico with Doctor Saab at the wheels. He opens the door for the other two eerie creatures inside. I am shocked to find him escorting the two attired in discoloured ochre robes inside the house. Their overflowing beards remind me of the story of birds building nests in an ascetic's beards. Their wide foreheads are adorned with some kind of ash and their bulging eyes are fiery red. Doctor Saab had told me one fine day that this happens due to over drinking over a prolonged period of time. Strings of wrinkled beads hang loosely around their necks. As I stare incredulously at the thick bouquet of brilliant blue peacock plumes they are waving at no one in particular, Saab orders me to bend down and touch their feet as a mark of respect. I hurriedly obey him and rush out of the hall confused. I notice other madamjis giving each other confused glances and wry smiles from the balconies of their houses.

In the afternoon, Kutte-wali madamji summons me suggestively, 'Sakku, what was going on at Doctor Saab's place in the morning?'

I reply, 'Saab's little daughter is suffering from jaundice, unhone jhada lagwaya tha.'

Kutte-wali madamji gets interested, 'Arey baap re, jhada! Can you detail me on the jhada process?' 

I describe, 'The guest room was filled with suffocating Hawan ka Dhuan and Gudiya was made to sit in the centre of the room. Then she was bathed in honey, milk and oil. All through this, she was constantly being hit by the peacock plumes on head and back. I got a back-ache cleaning up the mess afterwards!'

Kutte-wali madamji goes hysterical, 'Hai Rabba, Doctors also started believing in jhaad-phoonk! Medical Science is on real decline! I availed this doctor's services for my son's jaundice treatment two years back! Hey Rabba, please take care of my little son!'

Then she goes on to call other madamjis one by one for breaking this news with quite a spicy contribution from her own side. Though she hardly takes notice of my plight at her house, today she ostensibly sympathizes with my back-ache just to disgrace the scientist madam. 

The other Saturday, I happen to reach Doctor Saab's house an hour earlier. I am curious to find a Shani Dev wrapped in white clothes waiting at the gate. I am about to ask him to leave when Scientist madam signals me from balcony to wait outside quietly. In the meanwhile, Shani Dev replaces the shriveled nimbu-mirchi at the gate with fresh one. I realize that this household task, like most others, has also been outsourced. I see Doctor Saab coming down the driveway. At some distance from the gate, he removes his sandals and washes his hands and feet. Now he walks up to the Shani Dev bare feet, balances himself on left leg with right leg twisting around the former, he resembles the meditating Dhruv now, supports the right elbow with left palm, closes his eyes, bows his head, mutters a few inaudible shlokas and offers oil to Shani Dev's bucket with his right hand. This is followed by an offering of hundred bucks. God, how Saab haggles not to pay me for the few days I fall sick! I really envy Shani Dev. I am seriously thinking of changing my job and becoming some Weekly Devi!

Watching this, I am reminded of how scientist madam stops her kids from leaving the house if the feeblest of a distant sneeze manage to vibrate her sensitive ear drums. Then she makes them wash hands and feet, sit down, drink water and recite a few shlokas. I am the illiterate maid here, I am supposed to be superstitious as per my children's lessons, but I am not as much. May be she cares more for her kids' well-being. Whatever, I am no more euphoric about working at her place as I keep on getting reminded of my dreaded mother-in-law's taunting proverb, Chirag Tale Andhera!