Wanar Chalisa

Background: These couplets are a tribute to the monkey family which regularly visits our colony and provides us with the most innocent and wholesome entertainment without any reward, fruity or otherwise :D

वानर चालीसा

बड़े वानर, छोटे वानर, पर हैं सारे मोटे वानर!
सच कहते हैं इनको चातर,  सबका मन मोह लेते आकर!

घर की छत पे वानर खेलें,

बच्चे बूढ़े मिल देखें मेले!

लो खोली वानर ने टंकी,

मार के डुबकी, कर  ली मन-की!

बाकी वानर दौड़े आये,
इक इक करके सारे नाहे,
निराश हो गया नन्हा बच्चा,
वानर ने हल ढूँढा अच्छा,
दुम थामकर उल्टा लटका,
बच्चे ने फिर मारा छपका,
यों छत पे ये वानर खेलें,
बच्चे बूढ़े मिल देखें मेले!

अब नहीं जाते हम तो सर्कस,
घर पे देखें तमाशे हंस-हंस!
गली थी चौड़ी, ट्रेफिक ज्यादा,
पार करे तो कैसे बाबा,
नहीं था यह वानर नादान,
भांप चुका रस्ता आसान,
चंद पलों में चढ़कर खम्भा,
होशियार ने कर दिया अचम्भा!
खुशनसीब था टेलीफ़ोन तार,
लटक के जिससे पहुंचा पार,
अब नहीं जाते हम तो सर्कस,
जब-तब देखें तमाशे हंस-हंस!

खाते पत्ते, तोड़ते छत्ते,
दोस्त बन गए इनके कुत्ते!
नन्हा वानर बड़ा शैतान,
कर दे कुत्तों को हैरान!
भर चौंकड़ी बैठे पीठ पर,
गिरा न पाए उसको कूकर,
फिर कुत्ते की दुम वो खींचे,
एक छलांग में पेड़ पे पहुंचे,
अब कुत्ते को आये गुस्सा, 
भौंक के लौट चले कुछ रुस्सा,
मना ले उसको कूदके नीचे,
और फिर दौड़ें आगे पीछे,
खाते पत्ते, तोड़ते छत्ते,
दोस्त बन चुके इनके कुत्ते!

बड़े वानर, छोटे वानर, पर हैं सारे मोटे वानर!
सच कहते हैं इनको चातर, सबका मन मोह लेते आकर!

Jai Ho Newton!

I often used to get confused about the order of these laws, and sometimes, the laws themselves. This was my kiddo memory aid for the same. Some situations have changed since then, like Pappu usually gets dropped by a car, teachers are refrained from spanking him and the concept of ranking and flunking has been done away with. Nevertheless, I am posting it right here! And one more thing, this title was given long before Jai-Ho acquired the present cult status of the global phrase. :)

जय हो न्यूटन!

रुके जो गाडी, पप्पू गिर जाये,

दोष इनेर्शिया का है हाये!

चल गयी गाडी, खा गया झटका,

नियम है पहला, यह न्यूटन का!

माँ की थापी मन बहलाये,

टीचर की थापी गाल सुजाये!

भार-वेगान्तर-बल का रिश्ता,

दुसरे नियम से यही समझता!

पढ़े जो मन से, अव्वल आये,

न पढने पे, कक्षा दोहराये!

हर एक्शन पे आये रिअक्शन,

धन्य है तीसरा नियमे-न्यूटन!

From Beyond The Clouds

Background: I have always loved flying and a few trips that took me across the length and breadth of our country brought the physical geography studied years and years ago very live in front of my eyes and rekindled my long forgotten love for the subject :)

From Beyond The Clouds

A novel practical in Indian Geography, 

With a few breathtaking trips, above the clouds,

Brings cognizance of topography,

Into light, out of theoretic shrouds.

The mighty Himalayas appear pointed ivory clouds, 

Unlike the pics seen in books by I and You,

The lazily meandering river with its bends,

Inspires the illustrious shape of the horse shoe.

Islands of silt the river drains,

Featureless vast Northern Plains,

And the scattered oxbow lakes,

Fail to remain anymore fakes. 

Narmada prancing through the Marble rocks,

Brings alive Bernoulli and Venturi forces,

Incredible is to see the big bird's shadow,

Racing on the feathery clouds.

Is it the tapering tip of the peninsula,

Or is it the beak of a giant eagle,

The icteric continental shelf is perceptible,

Against the sparkling blue bathyal bezel.

Cumulonimbus clouds above the Indian Ocean,

Are large scoops of the vanilla ice cream,

Submerged patches, elevated isles,

Evoke desire of flying thousand more miles.

Do-It-Yourself Wax

Trips to Lakme were getting more and more unmanageable for Dipti with inflating economy and deflating take home salary. Plucking a leaf out of her great company's and greater government's austerity drives, she rummaged through many a shopping racks to finally procure the Do-It-Yourself Wax.

Back home, she applied a little bit of the DIY wax on her hand as a test and was satisfied with the result. She went on to apply it on her left hand but by the time it was all removed, she was not very pleased by the outcome. But she finished waxing her right hand also,  leaving it unattended was unthinkable by all measures. At this juncture, her thoughts were divided but she finally decided to wax her legs also as it meant getting over with the mess in one go, and also exhausting the pack. Storing the pack was not an option, it had got accidentally dropped in water during the ordeal. Poor girl, she was blissfully unaware that the ordeal was yet to begin.

The final step was the ablutions. The little remnants of the flaky wax refused to leave her skin however hard she scrubbed. She applied soap, moved over to detergent bar and finally tried Surf Excel. Never in her life had she seen such a stubborn substance. Her skin started to burn from the hour long scratching session, but she went on to try cleaning it with vaseline, hair oil, cooking oil and nail paint remover. But she emerged as an absolute failure and mentally prepared to call for an ambulance now. She recalled that kerosene oil was available at home, thanks to the recent termites' menace. Desperate to avoid a doctor, yet least hopeful of any success, she rubbed it on her hand. She could not believe her eyes. The mighty mineral oil derivative had  dissolved the mightier DIY Wax off her hand. She had finally found "The Elusive Elixir". Or was she reminded of the "Stench of Kerosene" by Amrita Pritam...

After that day, she resolved to continue her trips to Lakme to avoid trips to Hospital Acme.

By The MoonLight

The media descriptions of the city Dipti  inhabits make the readers envious and why not when the city is Gurgaon, Shining India's Millennium City. The new part of the city is located on either sides of  a  national highway and lined all along are the posh colonies and the magnificent office buildings. The farthest office spaces are not even 500 meters from the highway exit lanes and the time it takes to reach them is no less then 10 minutes and can extend up to 40 minutes on certain occasions. Did the presented statistics force you to have a second look? The woes of Dipti start from this point onwards and never end till she is within the city limits.

She is mandated to take up multiple insurance policies as her spine  and viscera  are constantly subjected to the jerks unthinkable even on remote villages' kuchcha roads. Hospitals and doctors are grateful to the ill maintained prehistorical roads, a prominent feature across the city. They brilliantly exemplify 'Unity in Diversity' with both the Mall road dotted with dazzling malls and the old Sadar Bazaar road presenting the same shoddy picture.

At the end of a fateful day, she somehow managed to reach back to her flat only to find it in complete darkness  again as the electricity supply was yet to be restored .Some apartments did boast of a 100% power backup but you needed to be rich enough to be living in one of them. Personal generator could have been another alternative but she did not own a house for installing one. "Life is really dark and dull for the middle class in the city", Dipti thought aloud standing in her terrace and looking wearily towards the sky.

Lo and behold, her Eureka moment arrived. Moonlight had been the subject of literature for long but she had never come across such a practical utility. She decided to promote it in the "Green Campaign" in her office also. She finished all her evening chores from cutting veggies to kneading dough to scrubbing dishes in the serene moonlight! After that she has never stopped thinking about 'The Evening" and thanking the moon and feeling funnily stupid.

The Interview

She was there to attend to the rituals of her late granny. Poor lady, people were saying, had faced many downs in life but was lucky enough to see her great grand children. General mood was melancholic except for the priest's of course, who was being gifted a gilded ladder that reflected clearly in his greedy eyes. Later a grand feast was organized in granny's honor, she failed to understand how people could savor the delicacies served, given the occasion. Gradually food started to get worse out of people, at least she thought so. What else could explain the sudden announcement that she was to be interviewed soon by some prospective in-laws. Well, she felt sick at the thought but decided to derive maximum fun out of it. Thus she entered the room where a graceful lady was seated on a big sofa.

Graceful lady, smiling: "Come over beta, sit beside me."

She, almost dropping herself on the sofa: "Thank you." 

The graceful lady was obviously disgusted by the undulations on the sofa, but the smile on her lips persisted and initial pleasantries were exchanged.

Graceful lady: "What are your office timings?"

She: "Well, 2pm to 11pm."

Graceful lady: "Hmm, that must be changeable, right"

She: "No, It is based on my sleeping pattern, I can't get up before afternoon."

Graceful lady: "How do you manage food?"

She: "Our maid manages that :)"

Graceful lady: "How about post marriage?"

She: "What else a mother-in-law is for :D"

Graceful lady: "Hmm, OK. You mentioned you stay with friends, I am cool about the ways of youngsters, so I am asking specifically, by friends you mean gals or guys?"

She, grinning for being given such an excellent opportunity: "My good male friends stay in other cities, so I had to settle with girlie roomies here, otherwise I don't mind sharing rent with guys :D"

Graceful lady, with eyes almost popping out, but still smiling: "How about your relationship with your parents?"

She: "I am a person of my own free will, I don't care about them :D"

Graceful lady: "It was nice talking to you Beta. :D "

She: "Thank You Very Much, Aunty."

She completely meant it for she was grinning from ear to ear and was grateful to the lady for spicing up her day and making her second interview a truely memorable one. First was her job interview...

Who cast my vote???

Dipti Mukt had acquired her Photo ID card and her name was there on the voters' list for the very first time in her life, an ultimate achievement in her bureaucracy bridled times, kudos to her Dad's tremendous efforts! She was rightfully elated, looking at the ID card a millionth time, painting vivid images on the canvas of her gray cells... the day after discussions with her friends in the college canteen, the title of her blog commemorating the experience, the dress she should be wearing to the red carpet, the EVM exploration/tinkering options and of course the photograph. She had seen the celebrity poses filling the national dailies during last elections and was devising and revising her strategies for her own picture she planned to get clicked with the stylish blue mark and upload on Orkut! :)

She started for The Venue wearing one of her brightest smiles, accompanied by her retinue of siblings and neighbors and friends in the afternoon, at 2pm to be precise. She was not used to long queues and had opted for the lazy hour of the day believing family people would give the venue a miss at that hour being busy with their luncheons and other routine activities like indulging in a power nap, etc. The ten minutes walk seemed to take longer than usual under the spring sun, but she was finally delighted to note that her predictions for  the general queue behavior had come true even on such an eventful day! :)

Soon her turn came and she proudly presented her voter # and displayed her ID card to the the first polling officer. He shuffled some papers, looked at her photograph, scanned her face, repeated the procedure, asked his colleague for verification from a second set of papers and ultimately asked her to get out of the line and to go  back home. This intensely rude order made her feel a resident of Hiroshima who barely survived the Little Boy! :(

It is hard to put down the commotion in her mind for the next one minute in limited words but finally Dipti gathered herself up and asked for an explanation. The explanation as per the polling officer, "your vote has already been cast as per our records", mercilessly rattled life out of her once again akin to what Fat Man did for Nagasaki. Surprisingly, no one seemed to notice the absence of the much revered sign on her Index finger and she hardly stopped herself from presenting another much rendered sign with her middle finger! :(

Brave girl, she recoiled back to her "Mess With Me Not" attitude pretty soon and went on to create a  ruckus how they could allow someone do that when she had the original photo id card and the voter list had photographs. In the meanwhile, someone suggested a brilliant plan to get her out of the room before the situation deteriorated. She was allowed to register her choice on the EVM without the usual paperwork, she questioned the validity of this act, but was falsely convinced that her vote had certainly been registered as she could hear the beep. After this the polling officers pleaded with her to leave the venue along with her once shattered and now sewn back dreams. She left the place, seething with anger and frustrated and determined to bring the corrupt fellas to task! :(

She formulated a plan with her entourage and started searching for media agencies contact numbers, as this seemed to be the easiest and best solution to all. Her mom got alarmed at all this and pleaded with all of them to let the sleeping dogs lie. She was now genuinely concerned about the harms coming her daughter's way if this scandal was publicized. Finally better (REALLY??? or should I say worse...) sense prevailed and she gave in to her mom's teary requests. Dad tried to close the things on a lighter note by saying "Beta, people know you generally don't stay here since you study outside and they wanted to utilize your very valuable vote, what you saw was a real time application of Business Intelligence! :)"

P.S. They say time heals all, but Dipti is yet to overcome her sense of loss...how can she when she missed her chance for the much anticipated Orkut photograph ;)